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The Bachelorette Party

This week we were treated to a “special two-night Bachelorette event”! If Chris Harrison says to be excited about it, you know I’m excited about it. We’ve got a lot to cover from these two nights, so let’s get to it.

Night one: The crew is headed to Santa Barbara, and I must say that the men did a decent job of hiding their disappointment that they weren’t heading to, say, Tahiti.

We started the night off with the world’s most boring date with Nick. Let’s just say that it was boring enough that I spent the time pondering how “coincidental” it was that they put Andi in short shorts that showed off her legs while hiking and what it is about Nick’s face that seems a little “off” to me.

I’m a jerk. I know. Sorry (not sorry).

Nick gets the rose, I’m bored, blah blah.

Luckily, after Mr. Boring we were treated to…the men trying to sing a Boyz II Men song on their group date. Turns out, only 0.6 people on this show are not tone deaf. Even Bradley’s level of tone deafness is questionable, though he was quite excited to let us know how many thousands of people he has sung in front of. Unfortunately, what he fails to realize is that we don’t care.

Only one word describes this whole experience: Embarrassing. Producers: Please don’t do that to us again.

In other news, this was apparently the week that Andi broke the seal and decided to kiss ALL THE MEN. I mean, she did hold out for two whole weeks, guys.

JJ (the “pantsapreneur”, in case you forgot about that weirdness) gets the second one-on-one date. Guys, these dates just keep getting weirder. For this one, they had their hair and makeup done to age them 50 years and then wandered around a park hunched over and acting decrepit. What?? These producers must be running out of ideas.

On a more serious note, while Andi and JJ were frolicking in the park, Ron received a call that his close friend died and was packed and gone approximately 10 minutes later. Closely following that, we find out that JJ’s parents took him out of school as a child because he was picked on, and Dylan’s brother and sister both died due to drug use. Later, we discover that Andrew “may not be here for the right reasons.” <– There’s always one in the bunch.

My cat was so upset by this entire episode that she immediately hacked up a hairball. #TrueStory

Night two: The guys seemed surprisingly elated to be in Connecticut for this episode – because Santa Barbara just wasn’t exciting enough.

We already guessed, based on Sunday’s episode, that our dramatic moments for this episode were likely to be Dylan telling Andi about his tragic family history and the inevitable confrontation with Andrew regarding his alleged Bachelorette-style philandering. So, imagine my surprise when Dylan gets the first one-on-one date for this episode…what a coincidence!

Andi swore the rose she gave him was not a “pity rose”. I’m pretty sure that means it was, in fact, a “pity rose”.

For the group date, Andi took the guys to play basketball with some WNBA players while wearing a pair of wedge sneakers. That’s definitely the footwear I grab when I’m going to play basketball…

In typical Bachelor(ette) style, the guys ended up teamed up against each other, with the promise of the winning team getting to finish the date with Andi. The losing team was super upset (especially Roid Rage Josh), Brian impressed Andi with his ball skills, and Andi confessed to be really into Nick, which I still don’t get.

The evening’s second one-on-one date with Marcus was the season’s requisite “fear of heights” date. There was panic, second guessing, and myriad analogies about falling in love after the fact. ßFun fact: I wrote that sentence while they were still in panic mode. It was still accurate.

After Andi receiving a weird “secret admirer” letter (that better not be from Nick or I’m gonna puke), we finally got to the drama – except that it came from an unexpected source. Eric confronted Andi, accusing her of being a “TV actress” and not being genuine. To say she was pissed would be a monumental understatement.

I was really hoping things would not end badly with Eric. Oops. So.freaking.awkward. Even more awkward, they ended the episode by showing an interview with Chris Harrison and Andi about Eric instead of showing the rose ceremony. Not to say this wasn’t an appropriate choice, but I’m not sure an interview with someone who only knew the man for a few weeks sums up his life the way a quick interview with his friends or family would have.

Personally, I’m ready to leave this weird week behind and move on to more drama, awkward make-out sessions, and Josh’s weirdly-shaped head.

Make sure to check out Stef’s Skinny Jalapeño Popper recipe for the perfect snack to make during the next episode, two weeks from now!

4 Comments

  1. OK. Wedge sneakers never needed to be made or worn outside of maybe a JLo music video… If you’re into that kind of thing. That ending to the episode was sooooo weird. I totally agree that they should have had his family on or shown like his audition tape or something that would showcase what kind of person he was in real life. Aaaaand Andi getting offended that Eric said she was putting on a poker face for the camera and that whole rant that went with it was the fakest crap ever. Fake cry and fake exhausted-ness. These producers really need to start coming up with new dates.

  2. You paint such a beautiful people of these men who just seem to be the biggest “catches” in all the universe 😉 The pantstrapreneur? Mine. Boys II Men guy is a close second and he’d serve as some pretty amazing entertainment while I’m good an hammered (but not before, of course). I wish I was there to enjoy episodes 3 and 4 with you and your kitty cats. 🙂

    1. Ugh, it’s closing time. I meant beautiful picture….not beautiful people. I had no intention of referencing a Marilyn Manson song. 😀

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